I have found that staying positive after a loss is probably the biggest road block to daily happiness. Finding the hope after a deep personal loss is OH so challenging. It is life changing in a way we feel utterly unprepared for. I can honestly say that I do not deal with loss very well, and last summer lead to my less than fabulous outlook on life with which I began this amazing journey. My lack of hope or resistance to be positive started with a year full of losses that were beyond difficult to overcome. It started with rather petty things, like the loss of a good GPA. Then two of my best friends graduated and went on to bigger and better things, leaving me feeling very lonely. Then Wade's amazing grandfather lost his battle with cancer. This wonderful, kind, welcoming, encouraging 70 something year old man was taken back home to Jesus. Then another petty yet difficult loss- I lost my job and source of income. Less emotional of a loss, but not helpful with staying positive in the slightest. One month later one of my dearest friends also lost his battle with cancer. This was the hardest loss of all, and it did not help that I hadn't yet accepted Grandpa Leo's death. To lose Cliff, my dear and wonderful friend, which admittedly I still have not come to accept 100%, turned my world upside down. All of this loss left me empty, and feeling like the hope had just run out.
However, my dear friend was a pastor, one of the most amazing people I have ever had the privilege of knowing. Vividly to this day I remember a sermon he gave on lamenting right before I left for college. It was a lesson I will never forget, and one that I needed to remember at the end of last summer (but my heart wasn't ready to hear it). He talked about how lamentations are complaints to God, how if there are things that frustrate you beyond belief, to take them to God. He said "Don't bury your fears or feelings- tell them and listen to God's answer".
I was, and still am very terrible at this. I forget that one of the biggest listeners in my life is GOD! He wants to hear my discouragement, my doubts, my loss. He doesn't resent me for being angry these amazing people are gone. And when I finally told Him how angry I was about these losses, I found out that He could help me through them. God held my hand, held me tighter than I have ever been held before.
I deeply miss my dear friend. I miss his advice. Every conversation, every little note he would send me...I miss them, I long for them, I ache for them. One of the biggest sources of encouragement and love I have ever had in my life. And still, almost a year after he left us, and a year since we last spoke, the notes he left me and the encouragement he provided are still there. In times when I struggle I can still hear him lifting me up. The year anniversary of his death will be welcomed with fireworks and celebration as he died on the 4th of July. And that is just as it should be. Celebrating this man is the only way to truly honor him. I miss him constantly, mostly I miss his wonderful grandpa-like hugs and his crazy huge smile, and of course him knowing what I should do with my life, that was always helpful.
Things started happening, I got a new and wonderful job which is likely a career path for me. Life started to get easier, big decisions started becoming easier, the sadness slipped away quicker than it had, things were just better. I know that it was because God was waiting for me to give these struggles, these lamentations, to Him. He wanted me to give them away, hold them out in front of Him and just say "God, I need You." So I did, and it was so much better than keeping them to myself!
^^^^^^^God wants you to ask for what you need. He wants to provide you with everything you need to sustain you, but you must trust He will bring you through the darkness, through the pain, ask Him to guide you through and He will. God is always the shining light and the end of the tunnel. Why not run into that light with open arms and give it all to God?
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