Your ___________ does not define you.

Happy Thing of the Day: NOT the epic wind that is happening outside, that's for sure. (but portable mini heaters? DEFINITELY!)

I recently watched an interview done of Elizabeth Smart about the book she wrote.  She started going into detail about the things that happened to her during her kidnapping.  But then she started talking about moving on, that she was not just the girl that was kidnapped when she was 14.  She was more than that...like she wasn't going to let her kidnapping define who she was.

You hear people say this to survivors of various traumas all the time "you are not your disease" or "don't let your abuse define you", even a general one as simple as "don't let this define who you will become".  So many people identify themselves by one specific thing, but why?

Recently, I've seen this more with "causes" than anything.  People identify as being a "pro-life advocate" or a "gay-rights advocate", and so on and so forth.  There are many "causes" out there for people to support and advocate for, but why does that have to define you?  Why can't these things just be an important part of your life?  For example, I know a few people who support gay rights that will NOT, under any circumstance, befriend (or stay friends) with someone who does not agree with them 100%.  And you think people who don't support your cause are narrow minded?

Religion is another huge one.  People base their entire lives on what they believe.  Should it, or can it, mold you? Can it be the foundation for your character? Of course.  Should it be the basis on which you view every single little thing?  Probably not.  There are so many other factors out there that should play into decisions and opinions.  For example, being "pro-life" to the point that you start to limit health care provided for women, you've taken your religious beliefs a little too far.  Honestly, isn't the most recent issue a little bit common sense? If you start making birth control more easily available, abortion rates will go down...it's just that easy.  Will they go away, no, but will it help, probably.

Let me be clear, I support many causes.  Some that as a "typical Christian" I probably wouldn't fit into very well (good thing there is nothing "typical" about me).  But to make a point, I'm going to start listing.

I Support:
TWLOHA
The Human Rights Campaign
Planned Parenthood
The Rocky Mountain Elk Foundation
(RED)
The Trevor Project
UNICEF
Habitat for Humanity

Just to name a few.  Really the list could go on for a while longer, but you get the idea.  I am not so focused on one cause that I forget that are so many important things to support.  I am not so narrow minded as to make any one of these be the defining power in my life.

So many things define me.  A while ago I wrote a post about knowing who you are.  You can read it here.  I always make a top 5 on things that define me.  Yes I'm a Christian, but don't make any assumptions on what kind of person I am.  Being a Christian doesn't mean I hate gay people.  Being a Christian doesn't mean that I am pro-life.  Being a Christian doesn't mean I only have Christian friends.  I am a Christian, but I am also SO much more than that.  I will not let Christian population, nor the non-Christian population, define who I am, what I should support, or who I can befriend.  These things are what create hate.  These are the reasons people judge, and discriminate.  Do not be so focused that you fester stereotypes.  They are awful and demeaning.  Nothing needs to consume you to the point of cutting people out of your life for any reason other than that they physically or emotionally harm you.

Don't let your cause, your identifiers, your skin color, your religion don't let any one thing define who you are.  You are so much deeper than that.  Your soul is so vast it could not possibly be summed up in one specific thing.  Don't get caught up so far into anything that it changes who you befriend, who you love, or what you do.  Let it mold your character, of course, but don't let it put you in a box.  Don't be confined to the outline of anything but your own personal connect the dots.  No one should define you but you.

Mountains and Valleys

Happy Thing of the Day: Fantastic co-workers and free lunch!


For most Christians, the term mountains and valleys is one we have heard many times in a church sermon.  Many preachers use these as metaphors for times in our lives.  Mountains are used as an example of a time where we are "high" in life.  We are the king of the hill, nothing can touch us, life is just perfect.  Then there are valleys, which of course are the "low" points.  Who doesn't like a visual to go along with their sermon, huh?

I honestly love these sermons, not because I always need to hear them, though I will admit that sometimes I am in need of these reminders, but because I feel like they are such an important thing for people to understand about God.  So many people like to blame God for the bad things but forget to praise Him for the good things.  Some people think that they did something to "deserve" being put in a valley, that they did something wrong.  The biggest one though, is that people forget, God is always trying to find you a way out of the valley.

I have had many non-believer friends ask me "if God is almighty, why is it taking him so long to help you out of this mess?".  That answer is surprisingly simple, I'm not ready to be let out of this mess yet.  Non-believers don't understand that for a very devout Christian, we are always willing to accept that God has a plan.  Yes, the illusive "plan" that we Christians are so obsessed with.  Some of my friends tell me that it would bother them beyond belief to have someone or something else in control of their lives and their plans.  It's actually rather freeing to tell you the truth.  To know that my Creator is looking out for me, making sure that I get to my destination, it's incredible.

I will be the first one to admit, God doesn't "put" me in a valley, I'm pretty good at putting myself there without His help.  When I look back on a "valley" moment, or even when I am currently in one.  I can tell you exactly how I put myself there, I'm just not always certain of how I'm going to get myself out.  Valleys are rough, and unforgiving.  They create doubt and hardship, but you cannot place the blame on anyone but yourself.  I do believe sometimes God lets you sit there a while, until His perfect plan and the perfect moment arises to lift  you from that valley to the highest mountain. The nicest moments are when you know you're going to have to sit in a valley for a little while, but you can see the light coming over that mountain top.  When you know if you stick to the plan, don't make any "in the moment" decisions, you work hard and follow the steps, that you will get to the mountain.

Wade and I are in a tiny valley season right now.  We just discovered that it may be a while before we will be able to buy a house.  We looked into a couple of different options, but really, nothing was going to work out at the moment.  We were a little discouraged, and then Wade looked at me and said, "maybe God doesn't want us in a house right now.  Maybe in a year or two there will be this perfect house just in our price range, and He wants us to wait until He can get us there".  Woah.  Major bonus points for the future husband right there.  But it's true.  After doing some in-depth searching, there really aren't any houses that fit our needs in our price range right now.  Maybe we do need to sit in this valley a little while, and dream of that house on the hill above us, until God says, "okay, I found it".

Valleys are not the end of the world, they are the beginning of a new season coming soon.  They are the promise of the mountain top waiting for you.  They are beyond frustrating, but so worth the struggle when you get to the top of that climb.  Wade was a mountain top for me.  After years of struggling with relationships, trying to "find the perfect one", trying to make a relationship work that just wasn't going to (after 7 years I might add), I knew I needed to change my criteria.  I knew that I needed to change the way I felt about a relationship.  I knew He needed to love God, I knew he needed to see me as precious, and I knew he needed to want the same things I did, even if they weren't in exactly the same way.  And then I found Wade.  He was so different from any man I had ever dated, and treated me like I had never been treated before, and loved me like I always dreamed I could be loved.  My long journey in the valley, seemed to rather quickly lead me to my future husband.  The one who flips through the tv guide and stops on Joel Osteen to watch.  The one who reminds me I am loved.

Taking the joy over the other stuff

Happy Thing of the Day: boots with fur!

For as long as I can remember, my grandma's favorite word has been "joy".  It is plastered all over her house, especially at Christmas time.  She also loves the "Life Is Good" company.  She has a million of the shirts, some mugs, a few bags, you name it.  She is generally a pretty positive person, and it got me thinking, that maybe she is on to something...

As I have posted before, in the last few years I have dealt with quite a bit of loss.  I have specifically had to deal with the loss of a very deep friendship as of late.  This was a person who I could call at any moment, with any problem, or even exciting news, and we could talk for hours about whatever was going on.  We shared the deepest places of our hearts, it was a bond I never thought could break.

As it turns out, when you grow up, you change.  It took me a while to realize that maybe the "change" he went through wasn't as "awful" as I was making it out to be.  His priorities had changed in a way that I thought was terrible, when in reality, maybe that's just the way his life functions well at this point.  My priorities have also changed.  I stopped really caring about school, especially once Wade and I got more serious, and to me, my relationship took way more importance to school, and ultimately lead to me leaving college pre-graduation.  Should it have, probably not, but that's where my energy was put.

My priorities have become even more focused on family, especially the new one I will be starting with Wade.  We are going to be each other's family.  He is going to be my husband in just 6 months, and I cannot wait to really be his family.  He is where my priorities lie, I don't make a single decision without at least considering if not actually discussing with him how that will effect not just me, but him as well.  My friend, in my view, went the opposite direction.  He became more about what was good for him, taking less into account how that would effect anyone else.  I saw this as a totally terrible trait.

Then it dawned on me.  Maybe it isn't so bad to be selfish every now and then.  Maybe where he is at in his life, being selfish is what works, and maybe selfish isn't the right word.  Definition wise it is, but selfish often times has a bad connotation.  He is making sure he is taken care of, that his needs are met, and that his heart is filled.  He doesn't have a husband to worry about, it's just him, so is making sure his needs are met and his dreams are followed without considering who it impacts a bad thing? Probably not.  Was I being a little selfish in a bad way wanting him to be more like the friend I had known for so long? Definitely.  I wasn't willing to look at how much happier he was, or how much more he was able to accomplish, I only saw what it was doing to me, and maybe what I thought it could be doing to other people.

I was focusing on how negative the situation was, rather than seeing the joy he was bringing to his own life.  By not letting others influence what he was doing, the decisions he was making, or the path he was on, he was able to really start following his dreams and realizing some goals.  My joy has been mostly surrounded by the life I'm getting to start with another person, and his was coming from finding his place in the world on his own for now.

Focusing on how negative this whole interaction and situation between us was not healthy for my life.  I didn't realize how deeply this had impacted my heart.  My mood changed, I started getting frustrated about wedding details, I started snapping at Wade more, and then I realized, I needed to let go.  It wasn't until recently that I figured out that focusing on this negative thing that had happened was making me overall as a person not a very pleasant person to be around.

So I had to re-evaluate.  I had to find out why this was bothering me so much, see why it was having this impact on me, and then let go.  I'm still in the process of doing that, mostly at the stage where I'm trying to change my mood in the way it impacts other people.  I had to give this over to God.  I had to accept my part in this issue, and then be free of the burden it had on my heart.  Sometimes I forget how deeply I can feel about things.  How greatly things like this can impact my heart.  I let them soak in and change me without really thinking about them first.

Letting go has never been easy for me.  I don't necessarily hold grudges, I actually forgive relatively easy.  But I focus on the issue LONG after it is over.  How could it be different, how could the outcome have changed, why did it really happen, what did they do wrong, what did I do wrong, ON AND ON AND ON.  So my new challenge, especially since I have successfully been able to "find the hope", as was my original goal, is to stop dwelling on thing, regardless of the severity of the situation.  I think it will lead to even more hope, and a lot more joy.