Christmas Traditions #1

Happy Thing of the Day: Good hair days!

Here we go, off on the Christmas adventure.  I feel like "Christmas" has become sort of a secular holiday.  I know many non-believers who celebrate "Christmas".  They put up a tree with a star on top, decorate their house with lights, open presents, have a feast, maybe even sing some Christmas carols.  I had a boss once who was not a Christian, but sang "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" without missing a beat.  Do you even know what that song is about? To me, that would've been like me singing "Hanukkah Blessings", because to me, they aren't just catchy tunes, it's not just a tree with a star on top, they aren't just lights, I'm celebrating the birth of my Savior!  I agree with Bill O'Reilly, keep Christ in Christmas.  I'm not saying I don't acknowledge that there are other holidays, but don't say you are "going home for Christmas" if you aren't celebrating Christ.  Just a disclaimer, I don't have any cited or "reliable" sources for these posts, this is what I have been told at church and by smarter people than me on why we do these things for Christmas.

Since there will be many people decorating their houses with twinkling lights this week preparing for the holidays, here is what I know about why we put these sparkly strands on our houses.  At my house we don't put up big displays of snowmen or reindeer, there are no Santa's in our front yard, we do have a Rudolph we put in the window, but everything else is just colored lights, and then a big ole' Merry Christmas lit up on the roof.  The lights bring us joy, who doesn't love watching intricate light displays?!  But these lights are put up for a much more special reason.  They are to light our way home. The picture is a pretty famous house in CO Springs that is about 7 houses down from us.  Our street gets packed every year to the point where we can't get out of our driveway some nights.  It is an amazing light show, and it fills my heart with happiness every year.  It is magical.

I had a youth group leader say that these lights are to represent the light of Jesus. The star shown so bright that night to light the way to the new born King.  The shepherds and the 3 kings traveled and followed that star to meet Jesus.  He is often called "the light of the world", that star was so bright that night that it lit up the sky.  So at Christmas, we light up the sky with our lights, because we are honoring the light of our world, our Savior, the birth of our Lord.

I'm not saying if you're not Christian you can't put up lights, of course you can.  Twinkling lights are not a religious thing. But that's why I put up my lights, that why we light up our house, we want to celebrate the coming of our King.  We want to light the way home.  In the darkest blizzard, you can find your way home for Christmas to be with the ones you love, just the way the star lit the way for all to see that Jesus was born.

There is a star that goes up in Castle Rock, CO every year for Christmas.  I LOVE when I'm on my way home for Christmas and I see this star. At this point I'm nearing the end of my journey home, and it fills me with so much joy.  The first time I see the star each year I am reminded that Christmas is so much more than some amazing family time.  My Savior was born this day! My God sent His son, Jesus, to save us all.

"And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

The season has begun.

Happy Thing of the Day: 90% chance of snow tonight!! YAY!

'Tis the season, oh boy.  In about a week, people will be pulling out their Christmas decorations, setting up Christmas tress, Christmas shopping like crazy, oh the joys of the holidays.

In my house we always would do the "remember the reason for the season", which I guess I didn't always agree with, there are other big holidays around Christmas, plus then there is New Year's immediately after, so I was always okay with people saying "happy holidays".  But I always say "merry Christmas".  I say that because it's the holiday I am celebrating.  I'm not going to hide that I am a Christian, and I set up my decorations for a very different reason than you do.

Though calendar wise I do understand that Jesus was actually born probably somewhere around when we celebrate Easter, and Easter should be around Christmas, but regardless, I'm going to celebrate the fact that on "this day" my Lord and Savior was born.  Yes, I am going to put up a nativity set on my make-shift mantle like I do every year.  I'm going to hang Christmas lights because Jesus is the light of the world, so let's light up the world for Christmas.  I'm going to put an Angel on the top of my tree because "the angel said fear not, for I bring you glad tidings of great joy", and a star on my wall because I need to remember to follow that star.  I'm going to BLARE Christmas music around my house and sing "Go Tell It On The Mountain" with all my heart, because Jesus Christ is Born.

I realize people get annoyed by Christmas.  Christmas explodes before Halloween these days in the stores, I have resisted the temptation of buying anything...so far anyway.  I think that everyone gets so caught up in the hustle and bustle that we forget why we put an angel on the tree, why we are opening presents, and why we are celebrating.  Our Savoir has come, Hallelujah! So for the next month I am going to be blogging about Christmas mostly.  Sorry for all of you Grinch's out there, but I want to tackle the "why" behind some of the "Christmas" traditions that have become so secular.  Not that non-Christians can't celebrate around Christmas and put up a tree...but if you are a Christian, why are you doing it, do you even know!? Obviously there may not be a whole month's worth of traditions to post about, but I'm going to post about the ones I celebrate at least!

So please, when someone says "Merry Christmas" greet them with a smile and say whatever you want back, just remember, we are celebrating our Messiah being born, whether you agree with us or not, that's a big deal for us.  I don't care if you believe, I care that you respect the fact that I do, and this is an important and meaningful time of year for me and my fellow believers!

Because it's what Jesus said!

Happy Thing of the Day: being on top of things (I am ready for our trip this weekend and I am not going to have to be in panic mode before we leave! WOOT!)

If you haven't figured it out by now, I am a Christian, obviously.  However, "Christian" is a title that gets throw around a lot that I feel should be a little bit more defined as it pertains to me.  I am a Christ follower. I believe in the teachings of Jesus Christ.  He is my Lord and my Salvation (insert cheezy Christmas and Easter songs here).  Many of my friends, both "Christian" and non-Christian alike, try to throw verses from the Bible at me to prove to me how wrong I am.

The Christians like to throw verses at me about many things.  You should remain pure...1Th 4:3-5, you shouldn't live together before you are married (so you're not tempted to have sex)...1Cr 7:2.  My non-believer friends like to throw out pretty typical stereotypes as well.  You can't be friends with gay people and be a Christian...Lev 18:22, you can't be pro-choice if you're a Christian...Jer 1:4-5 (really the Christian friends like to throw these at me as well).  There are plenty more verses that have been thrown my way, however...I am a Christ follower, and CHRIST is who I listen to. Sure, he makes some points about some of these things as well, but the one thing Jesus always talked about conquering everything, was love...

I got in a religious debate on Facebook with some of my Christian friends about a post.  It was a news story about a pastor who performed his gay son's marriage ceremony.  His son is also a Christian.  I agreed with the pastor 110%.  My Christian friends did not.  They spouted verses at me, tried to tell me I was wrong.  I was taught to love! I was taught not to judge, I was taught to accept others for who they are because everyone is created in God's own image.  Considering I paraphrased from many different Bible verses in those last few sentences, I feel like I don't need to justify my point much there.

These are the verses I try to live by.  These are the morals that were instilled in me by many fantastic pastors, some incredible parents, and wonderful friends.

1 Cor 16:14-Do everything in love.

Luke 10:25-37: And behold, a lawyer stood up to put him to the test, saying, "Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?" He said to him, "What is written in the law? How do you read?" And he answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself." And he said to him, "You have answered right; do this, and you will live." But he, desiring to justify himself, said to Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?" Jesus replied, "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him, and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road; and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was; and when he saw him, he had compassion, and went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine; then he set him on his own beast and brought him to an inn, and took care of him. And the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, 'Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back.' Which of these three, do you think, proved neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?" He said, "The one who showed mercy on him." And Jesus said to him, "Go and do likewise." 

Romans 5: Peace and Hope

5 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! 10 For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11 Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

Those are just a few of the passages that I hold dearest and nearest to my heart.  I will never judge, I will never hate, and I will always LOVE. 

I'm a Christian, deal with it.

Happy Thing of the Day: old men who love to chat and compliment your beauty and "spectacular personality" (thank you to the great-uncle I had on my tour today, huge confidence boost!)

Right now, I'm going to be one of those people that I can't stand.  I'm going to be like the atheist bloggers who rant and complain about the "silly Christians and their fairy tales". You all get to complain about us, so now, I get to complain about you.

I am not a hateful person.  I generally like pretty much everyone.  I have friends of every religion, even friends who claim they belong to the "church of the flying spaghetti monster", hilarious.  I have friends of different races, different cultures, different incomes, the works.  My "big sister" is an atheist.  But still, posts I see on the internet sometimes just irritate me.  This post is all thanks to this post by a very proud atheist. In his last paragraph he says that Christians should start keeping their religion to themselves, which my first thought was "why don't you do the same".  Christians are not the only ones who don't "keep their religion to themselves".  I'm pretty sure Muslims are quite vocal about their religion, I've gotten in some pretty heated debates with some of my Jewish friends, it's our faith, we want to share it and understand others.

It is the same thing as an atheist speaking about how they think we believe in fairy tales and that we were brain washed.  So were you, just in a different way.  Everything is learned, nothing but basic survival skills (and probably sexual and gender identity) is wired into us.  I was not hard wired to be a Christian, I was born into a family that attended a Christian church.

I, however, was given a choice.  For me, it was a rather easy one to make.  In middle school at my church in Colorado Springs, you have the choice to go through confirmation.  Don't go all Catholic on me, we just call it joining the church, but confirmation is quicker to say.  We get to go with the rest of the kids in our class and discuss our church for a month or so of Sundays.  We get to ask questions, we more importantly get to ask "why". Sure most everything is backed up Biblically, but we are given an answer, and a chance to discuss.  My parents did not force me to go, and I was not pressured by anyone at church or by my friends. I went because I wanted to learn about my faith, and see if it was really what I believed.

I decided to join my church, it was a choice that I made.  I feel it in my inner most being that there is a God and He is good.  I know that there is a higher power helping me navigate this crazy wonderful life, and I know that I have been blessed by Him with all of my amazing talents and with all of the wonderful people in my life.  I do not see it as a coincidence that I started this new journey of trying to be closer to God and then within 6 months got a new fantastic job, where my car can be fixed with WAY less cost, and a fiance to spend the rest of my life with.  Everything I ever wanted came to me when I "let go and let God". I needed to return to him before I could understand all of these wonderful blessings.

To all of my atheist friends out there, I love you.  And I don't say that because I'm a Christian.  I say that because I am human  and you are my friend.  That being said I would like to argue of the points that have been made to me over the years about "being a Christian".

1. If God is so real, why does he let __________________.

Many of my atheist friends make this point.  If God is so real and is your protector and creator, why does he let people rape and murder and send all of these crazy wars and weather and.....on and on and on. That's actually the most popular question I get, the biggest defense of atheism I get, and also the easiest one to answer. God gave us free will.  WOOP! If I want to jump off a bridge He will never stop me.  He may be shaking His head, He may try to convince me not to (that's that feeling in your stomach you get when you're about to do something really bad or really stupid.), but He won't stop me from making a decision that is purely my own.  So yes, rape and murder and wars happen, because humans are flawed, because we get to be imperfect, which is why He sent us JESUS, duh!  Jesus died so we may be forgiven, Jesus died so that we may be imperfect.  Hurricanes that kill thousands of people and destroy houses.  Take a meteorology class, shit happens.  He doesn't send those things.  Sure, He did it once, but He also promised never to do it again. So don't try to combat Christianity by saying God can't be real or if He is he sucks, he also sent us Mother Theresa, so there.

2. There is no proof of God, it isn't logical.

Don't care. No, seriously, I don't care.  The people in the Bible are real.  They all actually lived. Jesus was a real person documented in history.  I don't know of a historian who would say that He didn't exist.  It's just a matter of opinion what you think He was doing here. Was He just your average joe shmo who was coocoo for coacoa puffs? Maybe.  But maybe He really was God on Earth, maybe He did save our souls and die for our sins...can you prove that He didn't?  Which leads to...

3. It's not on us to prove He doesn't exist, it's on you to prove that He does.

Okay, I'm alive.  Proved it. Before I go into that I would like to also say, in a court of law, it is up to both sides to prove their case.  Sure there's the burden of proof, but their is also reasonable doubt, which comes from, oh wait, proof. You either have to prove the person committed murder, or you have to prove that they didn't.  As Marshal Erickson would say "lawyered".  But back to my point.  In a very dark moment in my life, I was angry, depressed, and just really over it.  I slammed my hand on my desk, which made it shake, my Bible fell over and opened to my favorite chapter of the Bible, Romans 5, and I knew God was up to something.  1 minute later my best friend called and said "I just had this terrible feeling that something was really wrong, without realizing it I dialed your number, are you okay?".  Yeah, He's real.  I realize many atheists might not think anything of that, but to me, that was a defining moment in my faith.  God saved me that night, He sent me a friend to ease my pain.  He is amazing.

4. Atheism is not a view or belief.

Yes it is, you're wrong. just watch this.  I love it, it's hilarious, and it's fantastic.  You have a belief.  You believe that the universe was created in some way other than  by God or any god for that matter.  But you still believe that.  Your opinion  is that God or any god does not exist.  define opinion - An opinion is a view, and it's first synonym is belief.

5. The Bible is a fairy tale, it didn't happen.

Yes it did.  These people actually existed, the Sermon on the Mount happened, Jesus died on a cross, it happened, that doesn't mean you have to believe in the miracles, or that God was "behind it all", but that also doesn't mean I can't.  It is essentially a history book. Maybe Jesus didn't heal a blind man, maybe He didn't save a dying boy, maybe He didn't heal the bleeding woman, maybe He didn't make the man walk. But maybe He did. And these Kings and places and historical (non miracle) events actually did happen.  So you don't believe Jesus rose from the dead after 3 days, okay fine.  But there are plenty of things in the Bible that did happen, so just deal with it.                                            

6. Christians hate gay people.

No we don't.  Not everyone attends Westboro Baptist Church, really, I could punch every one of these morons that attend this church.  They also protest soldiers' funerals, they are idiots. One of my best friends is gay, you best step off!  I have heard many Christians say "love the sinner hate the sin" when actually, Jesus said the opposite.  He said (and I'm paraphrasing here) "love the sinner, hate your sin".  Rather than lawyered, to all of my Christian friends I would say "boom, Saviored". Ha!  God doesn't hate anyone, but He's not a huge fan of sin. And then He realized, "oh right, I gave them free will.  Okay, I can fix that.  I'll send my son to pay the ultimate sacrifice and save everyone". Hooray! Unfortunately that leads into #7.

7. How could any "loving father" kill their own son?

This one gets tricky.  Technically, Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost, all the same thing.  God is the "father", but Jesus is technically the "Messiah" which literally means "God with us".  The only reason he is called the "son" is because of the whole Mary being a pregnant virgin and Jesus was born, so God had to be His "father", really, God killed himself if you look at it literally translated. Jews sacrificed lambs, God sacrificed himself instead. It's really complicated, and I don't 100% understand it myself, but I'm only 23, I'm not done learning about my faith.

8. Why would you rejoice in your sufferings?

Enter yet again my FAVORITE Bible verse!!
Romans 5:
 5 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Also, we rejoice in our sufferings because we are rejoicing that we are still here, we are alive, and we are praising God for what we do have. Christians are generally more cup half full than half empty kind of people, so we like to thank God for the stuff He put in our cup!

9. When you say "I'll pray for you" it makes me mad/uncomfortable/sad.

One of my roommates gave me a great response for this one I never heard before. It was brilliant.  "why? afraid it will work?" Boom.  To me, saying "I'll be thinking about you" is the same as "I'll be keeping you in my prayers".  If you don't believe in God then why do you care if I pray for you? If that is how I practice my faith, if that is how I think many pains can be hurt and I can support you in a way that I know how, then I am going to.  Granted, I don't say it very often unless I know the person is a Christian or doesn't care if I say it/do it.  However, what different does it make if I pray for you. I don't believe that prayer solves everything, but especially since I have started living as a "let go and let God" kind of person, that's what I do.

Here's my issue.  I used to carry this enormous burden around with me all the time. It was so heavy that I couldn't carry it without immense pain.  It was every worry about every friend and carrying their load on my shoulders was awful.  Not that I don't love hearing my friends vent and try to help and support them, absolutely adore it, but I can't keep that for myself.  I hate to get rid of them, they are not my burdens to bare.  BUT, God loves to hold on to those.  He would rather take on your worries than have you suffer.  So I let them go.  I still try to solve a problem, but that's what I do rather than worry and panic, I find a solution.  Or at least I just become a really wonderful pair of ears or shoulders.  So I'm sorry it makes you mad that I'm going to pray for you, but even if I don't say it out loud, I'm still going to pray for you.

10. De-baptisms.

This one isn't something atheists say, it's something they do, and it infuriates me.  Not everyone does it, but to me not only are you making a huge point that you are a "religion", you are also mocking mine, and that is simply not okay.

Baptism is a very big deal in the Christian faith.  Sure, every church does it differently.  Some sprinkle, some do full immersion, some baptize babies, others wait until you're older. Lots of different ways to do this.  But the goal is always the same. You are clean.  All of your sin, past, present, and future, is all gone.  You are clean in the eyes of God.  That is a BIG DEAL!

If you don't believe in God anymore, you do not need to go through "de-baptism" to undo it.  If you don't believe in God, then you don't believe in sin, and you don't believe in the practices of our religion.  So really, if you were a Christian and you were baptized at some point in your life, basically someone either sprinkled you with water, our dunked you in a pretty pool, but it's water.  By undoing it, you're basically saying you believe in the power of baptism and want to undo it.  KNOCK IT OFF.  That would be like me going and interrupting Muslims during their call to pray and ripping off their head pieces.  Come one, have a little respect. The president of the atheist club on campus did this in the middle of the pasture that you can see from any point on your way to class, and then had everyone walk around with a towel on their heads saying they were "de-baptized" and were unclean again.  Seriously, are we in middle school. Stop! It's disrespectful, and it is just as bad as some nosier Christian who just toss a Bible at you and say that's the answer.

Those are just some of my favorite, terrible, things that atheists say to me. And I will say, I do understand that some Christians can be pushy.  I hate that.  I also hate when a Mormon missionary follows me to class and tries to give me a Book of Mormon. I've got Jesus guys, I don't need anything else, back off.  I get that it's annoying! But it's also annoying when you try to convince me that I'm crazy, or that I've been brainwashed, or that this harms me in some way. Wrong. Stay out of it! Don't quote Bible verses at me and "prove" to me how evil God is.  He isn't evil, He is my Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace, Alpha, Omega, and on and on it goes.

Honestly, you can believe, or not believe, whatever you want.  I am a Christian, and no matter how much you try to convince me that God does not exist, you won't.  I am grounded in my faith, it is something that I hold very dear to my heart, something I live by, something I will never sway from.  I am a BELIEVER and I will be a believer until I die, and I will teach my children what I've been taught, and then I will let them decide what they want to do with that information, just like I did.  And I chose to believe...no brainwashing or harming of children occurred during the making and living of this life!

Epic thoughts, deep feelings, and harsh realities

Happy thing of the day: No line at Starbucks 10 minutes before work, BOOM! Day made!

I realize that the title of this post may be a little negative and may not seem like an uplifting chance to share in God's amazingness. Just go with it, I promise it gets good!

I have some incredible friendships.  Some, I would definitely say, would be defined as life changing.  People I have met through the very short period of my life have impacted me in a profound way.  They have supported, guided, challenged, and accepted me through all of the twists and turns of life. If you haven't had the chance to have this sort of relationship, I highly recommend it. It is entirely worth the fantastic exhaustion.

So what happens when these types of people enter your life.  Check back to the title of this post.  Epic thoughts, deep feelings, and harsh realities.  That's what happens.  Your universe is completely altered in a way that is unimaginable until it actually happens.  I have had quite a few encounters of this kind, so let me share just a few, outlining them by the examples in my title.

EPIC THOUGHTS

Few people really have the ability to place a thought in your mind that is so vast and so new that it shakes you to your very core.  It is an ability that must be carefully honed until the precise moment that you just know you must unleash it to the universe.

Enter Cliff Anderson.  The world's most incredible teacher, mentor, and friend.  I love that I can honestly say I was "friends" with a 70 year old man.  My relationship with Cliff will always be something I cherish, as short as it was, it was exactly what I needed while it lasted.

Cliff was a scholar, a pastor, and an educator.  He never stopped teaching, even just during a lunch date we could have deep philosophical discussions about our lives, well, really my life more so than his.  I swear he had ESP and knew exactly when something was going on with me.  He was ready with great advice, but also really hard questions.

When I was trying to figure out what to do with my life during college there were dozens of questions during our coffee and lunch dates when I would come home to visit.  I will never forget when I started talking to him about the issues I was having with my church at the time up here in Laramie.  He asked me, "are the spiritual people you are with truly going down a path you want to follow?" It wasn't that they were doing anything morally wrong, it was more to the point that we didn't agree on everything.  And I couldn't stand being in a church that saw things that different.

He also never let me hide.  I remember him encouraging me during a meeting for the new choir group at church we were starting saying that I was always a positive light, that I was willing to let anyone into my heart, and that I gave the most amazing hugs.  He told me my spirit was contagious, and he never let me hide behind sadness or depression.  He made me fight it with those tough questions.  He pulled me out of the deepest holes with the most epic thoughts and words.  He knew what my heart needed almost better than I did.

The most epic thought I had though, was what do I do now that he's gone? Cliff lost a battle with cancer last summer, on July 4th, 2012.  Fireworks went off as he entered The Kingdom, as it should be.  But that left a giant hole in my heart, and I had no idea how to fill it.  Until Cliff's memorial happened, and everyone talked about how he never failed to walk with God.  Oh my, thanks Cliff, I get it now.  He was helping me walk with GOD.  That was what he wanted for me.  For my relationship with God to be the biggest part of my heart, so there could be no more holes.  Cliff made my relationship with God what it is today, and I can still look to our conversations, our epic thought provoking conversations, for guidance when I feel lost, and when I need to remember where God is in my life.  As a graduation present, one of my mom's friends gave me a book called "how to stay Christian in college"...you stay Christian in college by befriending a 60 some year old man during your senior year in high school, and never letting his love go.


DEEP FEELINGS

I never thought that other than my parents, grandparents, and siblings I could ever feel a truly wonderful deep connection with someone on a family type level. Obviously a husband would go in there as well, but we'll get to him in a later post. Some people have different names for this kind of deep relationship.  Teacher, mentor, counselor, mom or dad #2, or simply friend.  Sure we all have friends we call our "brother" or "sister", but this goes a little deeper than that.  To a mentoring parental level.  Someone who has met the definition of just about each one of those titles has been such a great source of support in my life, and I will forever be grateful for this wonderful man.

When I was 10 years old I walked into instrument selection at MRMS, met a man named Scott Singmaster, and from then on my life was forever changed.  Mr. Singmaster was one of the band boys at MRMS, and has been a great source of guidance and encouragement for me since then.  I still to this day find myself wandering to the band room again to see him and Mr. Silloway for some much needed love and support.  Those two men know exactly what to say to me, and exactly when to say it.  They know when to give me the disappointed "dad face" and when to give me the " I love you" face.  Mr Singmaster has been the greatest mentor I could ever ask for.  I know this because I can't tell you how many times he has told me God has a plan.  When I forget that very important bit of information, that God has a plan, and that I shouldn't worry, Mr. S is always there to remind me.  He calls me a worry wart quite often, because I do tend to let everyone place their problems on my shoulders.  When I walk in his classroom it's as if he has this giant broom and pan, and wipes those off of my weak shoulders and says "enough".  When I am ready to give up, he simply doesn't let me.  His is a superhero, and I will never forget or underestimate the love he has shown me.  It is as if he is family, he IS family, and always will be.

HARSH REALITIES

I have this friend, who shall remain nameless, simply because I don't know if that should read "have" or "had".  That has yet to fully be determined.  For now, we will just use "have".  We have been friends for going on 10 years, my oh my.  This is where leaning on God becomes a key piece in friendship.  When harsh reality strikes in a friendship, He really is the only one you can turn to.

Throughout our friendship, this person and I have shared some pretty intense and life defining moments.  Family struggles, heart break, true love, the works. Something anyone could expect from "best friends", which up until recently I felt I could say we were.  This was a friend I could lean on, rely on to have the best advice, or truly listening ears and an open heart.

Before I go any further, I feel I need to define what I mean by a "harsh reality".  In the terms of friendship, this reality is that nothing lasts forever.  I feel as though in friendship, incredibly meaningful ones anyway, there are only two ways in which this reality comes into play- death or lack of effort.  Even so, most friendships don't stay the same forever either, even if they are the rare amazing ones that are ended by death.

This friendship that I'm talking about ended because of the other harsh reality.  Some people simply stop caring and don't put in the effort anymore.  I feel like the two of us are a little to blame, but I am going to be a little selfish here in a bit.  You'll be able to figure out when that happens.

So this friend and I continued this amazing relationship through very dark and incredibly light moments during these last 10 years.  But there was a point at which we shifted.  I'm not really sure when, where, or why, but it did.  We went from consistently level 6 or deeper conversations to level 1 or 2.  Barely grazing the surface of where we really were in our lives.  I must get a little defensive here and say that I really did try to stay at that deeper level.  Again, harsh reality comes into play, and one can only put in so much effort without receiving very much back before they give up as well.  So they weren't the only one to give up, but I definitely didn't do it first.

I was given an example of how we really just weren't that close anymore by this friend.  They told me I don't even know why their last relationship ended.  I got to meet and talk with this significant other, and until asking them "how are things going with _______", I didn't even know it had ended.  I asked what happened and I got a brush off two sentence answer.  I asked on two different occasions and I never got a real answer as to "why" it ended.  They gave a very poor example...though quite accurate in a big way.  I don't know what's going on in their lives.

My wedding is in approximately 10 months.  We were having a conversation about wedding details that went South very quickly.  I got the sense that maybe they didn't approve of my choice in a life partner, nor did they really want to come to my wedding.  This is where I get really harsh (and very selfish) with my reality.  Getting married may mean I leave some friends behind.  I am moving into a new chapter of my life with a man I cannot WAIT to start that adventure with...if you don't support it, go the hell away! This friend is incredibly important to me, but not more important than the man I'm going to marry...not even close.

I had to have a real conversation with God at that point.  A level 157 conversation.  "Why do I have to choose my husband over them? Why can't they accept my decision? Why is everything more important than my wedding?"  That last one was a very selfish question that made God smack me right in the face, but the other two I thought were relatively legitimate questions.  He answered them with another conversation with this friend.  The one where they pointed out that I didn't know anything about them anymore, that I wasn't the friend they took their problems to, that I wasn't one of their "people" anymore.  They were upset that they weren't in my wedding party.  They were upset that I wanted to talk about wedding plans when they had more important things to talk about.  My point to them was, if you needed to talk about something else, you needed to say that.

The harsh reality is that God has put some amazing people into my life, and that means He might take a few away.  And He has.  I had a mentor for a couple of years that is now not involved in my life anymore.  I had an amazing friend who left to go home to his Creator a year ago.  I had a friend who isn't one of my "people" anymore.  But I have a fiance.  I have 5 amazing girls who are going to stand next to me as I say "I DO" in 10 months.  I have new family members (in-laws) who love me and whom I love very much.  I am going to have a new niece or nephew in April.

God knows what He is doing with the people He puts in our lives.  That is something I will always struggle with. I want to choose, but I can't.  Only He knows what I need when I need it, and trusting him means dealing with Epic Thoughts, Deep Feelings and Harsh Realities, and leaning on Him during all of it.