Taking the joy over the other stuff

Happy Thing of the Day: boots with fur!

For as long as I can remember, my grandma's favorite word has been "joy".  It is plastered all over her house, especially at Christmas time.  She also loves the "Life Is Good" company.  She has a million of the shirts, some mugs, a few bags, you name it.  She is generally a pretty positive person, and it got me thinking, that maybe she is on to something...

As I have posted before, in the last few years I have dealt with quite a bit of loss.  I have specifically had to deal with the loss of a very deep friendship as of late.  This was a person who I could call at any moment, with any problem, or even exciting news, and we could talk for hours about whatever was going on.  We shared the deepest places of our hearts, it was a bond I never thought could break.

As it turns out, when you grow up, you change.  It took me a while to realize that maybe the "change" he went through wasn't as "awful" as I was making it out to be.  His priorities had changed in a way that I thought was terrible, when in reality, maybe that's just the way his life functions well at this point.  My priorities have also changed.  I stopped really caring about school, especially once Wade and I got more serious, and to me, my relationship took way more importance to school, and ultimately lead to me leaving college pre-graduation.  Should it have, probably not, but that's where my energy was put.

My priorities have become even more focused on family, especially the new one I will be starting with Wade.  We are going to be each other's family.  He is going to be my husband in just 6 months, and I cannot wait to really be his family.  He is where my priorities lie, I don't make a single decision without at least considering if not actually discussing with him how that will effect not just me, but him as well.  My friend, in my view, went the opposite direction.  He became more about what was good for him, taking less into account how that would effect anyone else.  I saw this as a totally terrible trait.

Then it dawned on me.  Maybe it isn't so bad to be selfish every now and then.  Maybe where he is at in his life, being selfish is what works, and maybe selfish isn't the right word.  Definition wise it is, but selfish often times has a bad connotation.  He is making sure he is taken care of, that his needs are met, and that his heart is filled.  He doesn't have a husband to worry about, it's just him, so is making sure his needs are met and his dreams are followed without considering who it impacts a bad thing? Probably not.  Was I being a little selfish in a bad way wanting him to be more like the friend I had known for so long? Definitely.  I wasn't willing to look at how much happier he was, or how much more he was able to accomplish, I only saw what it was doing to me, and maybe what I thought it could be doing to other people.

I was focusing on how negative the situation was, rather than seeing the joy he was bringing to his own life.  By not letting others influence what he was doing, the decisions he was making, or the path he was on, he was able to really start following his dreams and realizing some goals.  My joy has been mostly surrounded by the life I'm getting to start with another person, and his was coming from finding his place in the world on his own for now.

Focusing on how negative this whole interaction and situation between us was not healthy for my life.  I didn't realize how deeply this had impacted my heart.  My mood changed, I started getting frustrated about wedding details, I started snapping at Wade more, and then I realized, I needed to let go.  It wasn't until recently that I figured out that focusing on this negative thing that had happened was making me overall as a person not a very pleasant person to be around.

So I had to re-evaluate.  I had to find out why this was bothering me so much, see why it was having this impact on me, and then let go.  I'm still in the process of doing that, mostly at the stage where I'm trying to change my mood in the way it impacts other people.  I had to give this over to God.  I had to accept my part in this issue, and then be free of the burden it had on my heart.  Sometimes I forget how deeply I can feel about things.  How greatly things like this can impact my heart.  I let them soak in and change me without really thinking about them first.

Letting go has never been easy for me.  I don't necessarily hold grudges, I actually forgive relatively easy.  But I focus on the issue LONG after it is over.  How could it be different, how could the outcome have changed, why did it really happen, what did they do wrong, what did I do wrong, ON AND ON AND ON.  So my new challenge, especially since I have successfully been able to "find the hope", as was my original goal, is to stop dwelling on thing, regardless of the severity of the situation.  I think it will lead to even more hope, and a lot more joy.