Why Your Judgement Means Nothing To Me.

Happy Thing of the Day: killing mosquitoes before they bite you!

Why Your Judgement Means Nothing To Me:

I figure S.C.O.T.U.S.'s decision, and some of the aftermath that has come since then, is a good reason to get back to my blogging. I have had the desire to for a while, but I have finally found something tugging at my heartstrings enough to put my words to blog.

The day S.C.O.T.U.S. made the ruling on gay marriage, I wept with joy.  Not only because I'm looking forward to watching my LGBTQ friends marry the loves of their lives, but for many reasons, which I will share with you, along with my hatred of  your hatred and/or silly and misguided reasoning of why this is wrong. (warning: this will probably be long!)

1. It made me proud to be an American (more than I already was).

Here's the thing.  Our country has gone through this before. Non-white people have had to fight this before in our history.  As a country, we haven't always been the most open-minded or accepting of people (which has always been ironic to be, considering our country was founded by people looking to escape persecution for their decisions...but I digress).  It wasn't so long ago that a white person and a black person could not marry.  There is no reason that a state should be allowed to prevent someone from marrying, for ANY reason.  This is constitutional issue, no matter what people say.  Some free!  This is not a term I take lightly.  In our country you can do just about any job you desire, have as many children as you wish, practice any faith you believe, live anywhere that suits you; I think it's about time we all marry whomever we choose.  I know someone who has used the argument that "if we're going to let anyone marry anyone else, what is stopping me from marrying this lamp, or a dog?".  Let's be clear, two consenting, intelligent adults making the decision to enter into a contract of marriage with each other is very different from that.  Two men. two women, or a man and a women, can make the conscious decision to marry each other, there is no reason they shouldn't be able to.
politicians are saying that S.C.O.T.U.S. overstepped their power.  I highly disagree.  States have been putting laws in place that are counter-intuitive to our country's foundation.  We are

2. This is NOT a procreation issue. 

I am about to venture on to a new job, however, the current facility I work at is a treatment facility for at risk youth.  I can think of quite a few kids here trying to find someone to love them, someone who wants them, someone to protect them.  I also know that none of them would care if that couple was straight or otherwise.  We do not have a population issue in the country, or in the world.  Or really rather you could say that we do, and that in fact we have far too many people.  If it is your opinion that the goal of marriage is to procreate, and I introduce you to a few of my friends who are not only straight, but are making the choice not to have children, for whatever reason.  Not everyone was made to be parents, and there are many alternative ways to have kids and be a parent without you being able to conceive naturally with your partner.

3: This is NOT a religious issue.

I am not trying to force my opinion on you.  I am a Christian, I am a supporter of gay marriage.  We will cross that issue later.  If your religious beliefs mean that you do not support gay marriage, in whatever way that means, then that is your right.  I support that right, and I am fine with the fact that everyday how much you disagree with this decision.  I also would prefer not to have you rattle off a hundred Bible verses at me proving you are right, I have a list of my own, I would not concede.

you do not support gay marriage, think it is a sin, think it is immoral, whatever you may think, I am fine with that.  But I'm sorry. your religious opinion has no room in how we make laws and what is "acceptable" as far as law making is concerned.  Do you have to be happy that this is now something that is legal in our country? Absolutely not, but you do have to accept it, because more than likely, it is not going to change.  Also, I would say as far as the general population is concerned, I would prefer not to hear




4: Yes, I am a Christian who agrees with marriage equality:

No, I do not care that this upsets you.  It upsets me more that you find ways to justify your hatred and closed mindedness using His words.  I read this  article today and about cried with happiness.  Read it. Think about it.  This is how we should approach this as Christians.  The Jesus I learned about when I was little was a man who LOVED everyone.  He did not agree with their choices all the time, but He loved them.  He knew they were sinning, but He loved them.  He knew they would do it again, but He loved them.  He ate dinner with them, He washed their feet, He healed them, He prayed for them, HE LOVED THEM.  Am I getting my point across? I hope so.  I do not agree with everything my friends do (this specifically is one that I do, but regardless), but I love them.  I do not rattle off Bible verses to them to tell them they are wrong.  I do not use my faith as an excuse for non-acceptance.  I love them.  I tell them I love them.  I do not love them despite their sins, I do not love them in spite of  their sins, I love them because they are my friends.  I celebrate our differences, I enjoy hearing why they feel different than me, I find that what works for one person, may not work for the other.  It makes my world incredibly unpredictable and wonderfully fulfilling.  My friends bring JOY to my life.  My husband and I do not agree on every religious, political, or any other type of issue.  We have similarities and differences, and that is okay. We love each other.  That is what God intended.  For us to love each other. Go and do that instead of judging and hating each other.

5. Marriage is marriage. 

WHY DOES IT MATTER WHO MARRIES WHO?!?!!?! For real people, who gives a flying monkey if two men want to marry each other?! Are you straight and married and adore your spouse!? Great! Let other people do that.  Let EVERYONE do that.  I am madly, deeply, soulfully in love with my husband.  He is an incredible man of God, he is always on my side, he loves me unconditionally, he is incredible.  I cannot imagine someone missing out on this.  Can they have all these things without having a marriage?  Probably, but I will always remember my engagement, my wedding, and introducing Wade as my husband for the first time. I would never want to prevent someone from missing out on those things, they are pretty spectacular. Marriage is not necessarily a religious thing. Is it for me? Absolutely.  However, it is not a religious thing for everyone.  It means different things for different people. For just about everyone it means committing your life to loving one person until "death do us part".  I think everyone has the right to do that.  Do you have to let that wedding happen in your church? Nope! But you do have to accept that this is something for everyone, and you shouldn't want anyone to miss out on all of those butterfly moments!

6: Your judgement means nothing to me:

I have gotten some flack for saying things like this.  I am okay with that.  Your judgement means nothing to me.  I am happy for my friends who now finally get to say "I Do", and I will always be happy that I got to witness that day in history when my country decided that was what needed to happen.  I am beyond thrilled that this battle was won.  Your judgement just fuels my fire for love.  I will love them for you.  I will love them harder and stronger to try and protect them from whatever you are trying to spout at them.  Their marriage does not mean your religion loses.  It means their love wins.  No ones' religion was lessened by this decision, and if you think it was, you need to evaluate your faith.  My God did not change because everyone can marry in this country.  He loves me, you, and everyone because that's how He functions.  This did not create a war on Christianity, this created equal rights for people who didn't have it before.  Welcome to the USA, for liberty and justice for all!

A Swift Kick in the Pants

Happy Thing of the Day: Students giving you their senior pictures!

It seems I have forgotten about my lovely blog, and God felt like reminding me today, so here we go.  Let me tell you about my swift kick in the pants...

After my last post, I got all caught up in wedding planning, an actual wedding, starting a new position at work, life just got crazy.  I completely forgot about my blog, my daily time with God, and turns out, I started it for a reason.

I was so much happier when I was actively doing my blog.  Maybe "happy" isn't even the right word, because in general I'm pretty happy.  Grounded, that's definitely the word I am looking for.  Though my overall demeanor was probably a bit more pleasant, I felt so much more grounded.  My mood didn't change quite so much, I woke up with a better attitude, I looked forward to the day much more.  I felt confident in my decisions, I was comfortable with where I was at and with what I had.  Slowly but surely, those feelings of security disappeared. 

Recently I have been struggling emotionally.  I am not confident in the decisions I make, I feel uneasy about bills and finances,  I stress out over the simplest things.  I also have had a very rough time at work.  I do not feel like waking up and going to work in the morning.  I do not enjoy my job like I used to, and I let things at work impact me more than they should.

On Monday I had a girl's night with a good friend.  We laughed and enjoyed out night out shopping and eating.  We went to Barnes and Noble and  I found an "easy" daily devotional: 3 Minute Devotionals for Women.  I figured a good 3 minutes would be easy to commit to and less intimidating of a task to begin than a more in depth devo.  The very first one talks about how deeply set and dependent our hope is on our time with God...WOOPS!

Turns out I had this amazing blog that I started, all about hope and finding it, which turned into keeping it and focusing on it.  ENTER my swift kick in the pants.  I was excited to buy this book and see what it had in store for me, but I never thought God would already start kicking my butt.  Good purchase, great reminder, time to start getting back into this groove I had going for me a few months ago!

I believe #9

Happy Thing of the Day: How beautiful Wyoming is in the Summer! I love that I live here.

I believe #9! One more after this!

I believe that God puts people in your life, and takes them out for very specific reasons, and that we need to listen and understand why.

I've kind of touched on this in my posts about love and friendship, but after my post yesterday I got a wonderful message from that amazing man, and it made me think about this one a lot.  So, let's get more specific on the reasons people are in your life, shall we?

When I say "people" I literally mean any human being that enters your life.  Be it for a day or a lifetime, these people are there on purpose.  I know I go back to this point a lot, but God has a plan for you.  And this plan includes human interaction.  Some good, some not so great, some down right awful, but human interactions are unavoidable.  I truly believe, that at various points in your life, God places specific people in your path to guide you and change your heart.

These people are so vitally important to your story.  I can pick out probably 5 people (that aren't immediate family), that have vastly altered my universe, and I know that God put them in my life specifically.  Now, since I'm that nostalgic, sentimental, sappy person, I'm going to tell you about them, even though some of them you've read about before.

The Middle School Band Guy:

Yes, this is the guy from my last post, but other than the motivational umph guy, he's also been my mentor/dad #2/supporter for over half my life.  I vividly remember meeting this man.  I was a 10 year old walking in to instrument selection at MRMS, desperately wanting to play flute.  My mom did not come in with me, she dropped me off and I was sitting in a chair, surrounded by all of the shiny mouth pieces and
instruments that I couldn't begin to identify.  I was wrapped up in amazement.  When Mr. S. came in the room I remember thinking how extremely nice he was, and how comfortable he made me when I was incredible nervous.  He gave me a flute mouth piece, and somehow realized that I had asthma without ever meeting me before.   I thought he was some kind of super hero knowing that.  Realizing that flute would be incredibly hard with asthma, he gave me a clarinet mouth piece, and I was hooked.  Little did I know this man would be in my life forever.

I took Summer Band, a kind of jump start on learning your instrument before school started, and I sat right in front, next to the podium, almost every day.  Which meant I would accidentally get hit with a baton a couple of times, get very hilarious looks from the two guys waving the stick around, and inevitably, get close to both of them.  I remember going to the band room at almost every chance I had once school started, knowing it was a safe hide out from the terrors of middle school.  Our relationship took a turn for the amazing when I got ISS in 7th grade.  This was a definite mistake, and I had done nothing wrong.  I was blubbering in the ISS room desperately wanting to be anywhere else, and Mr. S. stopped in the room. The next day in band, I got pulled into the hall by this wonderful man, given a very much needed hug, and was told that he didn't know what happened, but if I needed anything he would be there for me.  And he hasn't been able to get rid of me since.  I can say with 100% certainty that without this man, I would not be here today.  He has brought me out of some of the scariest holes I have ever dug myself into, and I will be forever grateful for him being in my life.  I would never have understood how much music would mean to me, how talented I was, and how much I needed someone to remind me I was worthy without him.  I realized how much I could be loved by someone that didn't have my genetics attached to them, and it was a much needed realization.  Nice move Up There...couldn't have picked a better mentor if I tried.

The Pastor:

I will make this brief, as I already posted in depth about this wonderful man (you can read it here).  I know

for a fact that without him I would not be as firm and confident in my faith as I am.  He altered my heart in a way that is simply inexplicable.  He made my heart one that longed for love, understanding, and compassion.  I became even more of a servant with a heart to help, I grew in my ability to rely on God, and I began to let go of things, which was never easy for me.  He probably made one of the biggest impacts on my heart, and I miss him everyday, and will always remember the incredible influence and guidance I received from him.


The Lady with the Red Couch:

I post about this lady as well (GO!), but I have to give her a little credit here as well.  I would never have started the soul searching I did if I hadn't met this lady.  She was so much more than a history teacher, and though her time in my life was brief, I know that she made a hand print on my heart.  She made me look inward, acknowledged my heart for helping, and pushed me to the breaking point numerous times.  She
made me question everything, made me see the world in a different way, and probably impacted me the most in how accepting I am.  Though I can't say judgement was non-existent in her room, it was always addressed, and accepting people for who they were and where they were at became my mantra.  Thanks Ricky Bobby!

The Big Sister:

This wonderful lady has been my "big sister" since I was 14.  She is the matron of honor in my wedding, and I love her more than words can describe. In high school, I was searching for someone to love me.  It wasn't

a boyfriend, it wasn't a teacher, it was someone to love me more than a friend.  And I found Trees in the room with the red couch.  Let's preface this with the fact that this was when I felt very disconnected from my siblings.  Teenage brothers are hard to get along with when you are going through a hormonal and emotional roller coaster on a daily basis (they are two of my favorite people now though, fyi).  But, back to Trees.  I instantly felt a bond with her that I knew could never be broken.  She loved me like a sister, and I was treated, as such (still am).  I always loved that we looked like we could be sisters, and that if I needed a big sister's shoulder, I always had hers.  She and I have had such amazing conversations, such wonderful, soulful, meaningful, and unforgettable moments.

She is one of the most important people to me.  She has the ability to be ruthlessly honest, while being incredibly loving all at once.  I know that I can run away to her house at any time and be cheered up instantly with a strawberry shake and french fries.  She taught me that I can't hide from my world.  That when someone knows you to your very core, you have to let them in when life gets scary, when life gets hard, not just when it is rainbows and sunshine.  She taught me to think about what was going on in my life, and change it the way I wanted to to be changed, and not to let anyone touch my spirit. I love you big sister.

The lost friend:

I have posted about this one a few times as well.  I had this amazing friend, my best friend.  I never thought that friendship could end, and I would say it isn't completely gone, but we are not where we used to be.  This one though, this is a person that God decided I needed at least a break from.  God took my rock, my "person", if you will excuse the Grey's Anatomy reference, and made me face the big, scary world without him.  I was infuriated when that began, what will I do without my person?  And then I realized, I had other people, and that the friendship we had was beautiful and amazing, and I wouldn't go back and change that for anything.  As we have begun this journey of rekindling our lost friendship, we have both realized that who we were and who we are now are so different, and we need to accept that fact with open hearts and accept each other where we are.  I will always be grateful for the immense influence and love I have been given by my friend, and will cherish where we go from here.


God knows who needs to be your life, I know He found these incredible people for me, and I will be forever grateful for them.  He knows so much better than we do who needs to be in our lives and who doesn't, and we need to allow Him to make that choice for us.  It may be difficult, but I have seen the impact the various people in my life have made on me.  From these 5 wonderful humans, to college friends gone and graduated, high school friends off and married with babies, and people lost to death.  I have loved them all, and could not have imagined having more fantastic people to walk my journey with me.

I believe #8

Happy Thing of the Day: SPRING TIME!

I believe number 8! Wahoo!

I believe that perseverance is hard, and that hope is necessary for perseverance to work!

Really, that statement sums it up right there.  Perseverance is hard. Let's think about it....when do you have to "persevere" when things are easy.  Perseverance is about never giving up, but you don't want to give up when things are going well.  You want to give up when things are completely crummy.  When nothing is going right, when things are just rough, you just want to throw in the towel and say, "enough".

I have this amazing mentor, he is my middle school band director.  I have known this man for over half my life and consider him an extra "dad" figure.  He's basically one of the most incredible people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.  However, he has this awful way of knowing exactly when I am ready to give up.  It's like a spidey sense or something, and it's actually rather annoying...here's why:

He can sense when I am just about out of hope, and then I get this fantastically horrifying "dad" look.  This look cuts right through the center of you.  You can feel his annoyance with your lack of effort, or hope, or whatever it is you're currently lacking in.  This is because he is so amazing that he thinks you are spectacular, no matter what.  So when you are lacking in any area, he gets rather irritated because "how on earth could you think that little of yourself?".  I have gotten many, and I mean many, a pep talk from this man.  And every single one of them start with this wonderful, awful look.

Here's where things get tricky.  This look is then followed by the ever dreadful finger point and come here gesture, immediately followed by a sit down in his office with a rather intense lecture about how amazing you are and a stern "what the heck is going on?". Bleh. Not my favorite question.  Mainly because almost every time it was asked, this is exactly what went through my mind- "if I tell him what's going on, I'm going to get twice the amount of lecture I would initially.  BUT, if I say 'nothing', I'm going to get an even worse look than I'm already getting, followed by a rather ridiculous 'i don't believe you' ....".  You can see the dilemma.

Regardless of the answer I gave, one of two things happened, and usually they both did.  I'd get a very long and much needed hug, with a "I believe in you, you can do anything".  The next couple of days I'd usually get an email, phone call or text with an "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can", reminding me that being the little engine that could was much better than the little engine that rolled back down the hill and went splat. When he knew it was finals week, or knew something was going rather rough, if I entered the room, I'd get a mini pep talk with some Tim Allen motivation "Never give up, NEVER SURRENDER!".

I will always love that he does this, because the little engine is about so much more than perseverance, it's about having faith and hope in addition to having perseverance.  If you just try to keep going without faith, or at the very least, hope, that everything will turn out in the end, you're not going to get very far.

I remember the first time I really thought about what he was saying.  It came after one of the best and worst talks we ever had.  After he found out how close I was to really giving up.  Probably the longest and biggest hug I'd ever received, along with some major motivational speaking skills.  This talk was different though.  The way he told me to keep going was less about me, and more about him.  He told me he knew that I could do anything, that I was amazing, that I was important, and special.  He then told me I needed to believe all of the things he was saying.  I didn't merely need to "keep going" and "never give up".  I needed to believe that I was worthy of getting where I was going.  I needed to believe that I had potential, that I was important, that I was loved. I had to believe before I could keep going.

This, essentially, is a  big reason why this blog started in the first place.  Life was just not going as planned, and as much as I was telling myself I needed to just keep chugging along, I had very little faith that the chugging was going to get me anywhere. I needed to restore my hope.  Once I did, oh my, the wonderful things I could do.  When life threw me some quite enormous lemons a few months ago, I had a brief "what the hell" moment, and then kept on chugging, knowing everything would be okay.  My hope, my faith, my joy did not waiver.  Though things were slightly rough, and are still appearing that way slightly, I have been told by this wonderful man, and a couple other people who know me all to well, that I seem so happy and at peace.  That's because I am.  This little engine is so far from giving up.  Even though there is a large hill making my engine work overtime, I'm giving it all I got.

Don't just "keep going", keep going knowing and believing that at some point the hill will flatten out, and then you can cruise around with ease.  Believing you will get there is the hardest part of the battle, so find your little glimmer of hope and climb that hill!

I believe #7

Happy Thing of the Day: getting played "your song", for no reason at all, by the one you love

I believe #7....here we go!

I believe that God made your body, and your body is BEAUTIFUL, no matter what size, shape, color, height, width, or otherwise it is.

This one is close to my heart, because I know far too many beautiful people who simply do not understand that they are beautiful.

I have never, really,  had body image issues.  Sure sometimes I will look in the mirror and wish I could lose a few inches around the middle, but never to the point of starvation, never to the point of taking major steps to alter the way I look.  When I do anything to lose those few pounds, it's usually because physically I don't feel right.  I feel tired, out of breath, in general, unhealthy.  But for me, that has nothing to do with the number on the tag of my pants.

The best I have ever physically felt was when I was a size 12, which ridiculously enough in some stores is considered "plus size"....I HATE the term "plus size", but we'll get back to that later. This is me when I was a size 12...which is honestly only a bit smaller than I am right now.  I felt amazing.  Could I run a 10k? Absolutely not, but my asthma would take care of that regardless.  But in all seriousness, I was a size 12-14 for a very long time, starting during my junior year of high school.  The BEST I have ever felt though, was when this picture was taken.  I was 22, and felt amazing.  Am I the world's definition of "skinny"? NOPE, not even close.  Could I ever be though? Absolutely not. But I was constantly told (by the cowboy standing next to me), that I was beautiful.

The cowboy in these pictures is going to be my husband.  He is like any other guy.  When he sees a hot celebrity, or even a model like figure walk beside him, he looks.  It does not bother me.  Because this is what he says to me.  "She may be 'hot' but you're beautiful, and beauty is more important".  Now, some girls may find that a bit offensive, like he's telling me I'm not hot.  Notice, he never says I'm not hot.  And I am fully aware that by society's standards, that chick is probably "hotter" than I am.  I also am fully aware that Wade thinks I'm "hot" or "sexy" or whatever you want to call it.  Let's face it, we wouldn't be able to get married if he didn't.  I know by the way he kisses me, by the way he looks at me when I get dressed up and fancy, by the way he looks at me when I'm in my underwear at the end of the day.  I know the way he sees me.  But I would much rather be verbally acknowledged for my "beauty" than get a cat-call every time I take my clothes off.


This picture is when my perception of body image changed.  I was like any other teenage girl.  I sucked it in for pictures, found the best angle to look the best in posed pictures, the whole 9 yards.  I never really thought of myself as anything but normal, maybe pretty when I put effort in, but nothing less than normal. I had bought this exact same dress in a different color for homecoming the year before.  Due to some unfortunate circumstances (yes, I was dumped 2 days before the dance), I didn't feel like wearing the dress.  The next year for junior prom I wanted to wear it.  And then I went to try and zip it.  Day of prom, zipper will NOT move.  Enter blow to self esteem.  And in came my daddy to save the day.  He tried to zip my dress and told me that the only way I would fit into the dress I was wearing is if I was starving myself.  My bones were officially the same size as the dress.  I do not come from "small genes".  Let's put it this way...the women in my family have bodies that were built for having babies (we have wide hips!!). So, I called my best friend, we rushed to the store, and I bought the exact same dress, in a different color, and 1 size up.  It was the most fun I ever had at a school dance, and I think I look pretty good too.

This is me today. I have hips, I have extra padding just about everywhere, and I am totally fine with the way I look.  Would I like to be skinnier? Sure, who doesn't want to look better? But, I also have the privilege of knowing what I look like in my wedding dress, and damn-it, I look GOOD.  And this is because of a very important fact.  I buy clothes that make me feel beautiful.  I buy clothes that fit me, and are comfortable, and that show off the parts of me I enjoy.  I'm pretty much in love with my butt, always been my favorite feature.  I'm floating somewhere between a size 14 and 16, and I am absolutely okay with that.  Would I like to float back down the the somewhere between 12 and 14 range? Yep, but mostly so I don't have to go buy new clothes. I have no desire to be at my "ideal weight".  The ever ominous term that all body builders use.  My "ideal" weight is when I feel good about myself.  Not when someone tells me that I need to shed 65 pounds.

Do I understand that my doctor wants me to lose weight? Of course.  Do I know that I have the genetic make-up to be enormous. Fully aware.  I know that the women in my family all have had a struggle with weight and keeping it off.  But, I also know that I have heard almost all of them say more than one negative comment about their bodies at one point or another.  I remember, when some of them would say those things, I would think they were nuts.  My grandma would comment about wanting her midsection to go away, or wanting to lose weight, and then she'd come out of her room all fancy for Christmas Eve church, and I'd think she was so pretty. How on earth could she think that she wasn't pretty? And then, turn around and tell me how beautiful I look, when I am 4 sizes bigger than her? Incredible.

I remember growing up, we would all make jokes about how we looked.  I'd get called miss piggy.  All the women got called team thunder thighs.  But it was all a JOKE.  I never took it personally.  I'd do the same thing to my brothers, we all still on a very regular basis poke fun at all the issues we have.  Not just body issues.  I will always be grateful for those jokes. I gave me the body image I have.  It gave me the incredible amount of confidence I have in just about everything about me, including my looks.  This is mostly because of one important fact; the people calling me miss piggy and thunder thighs also told me that I was beautiful.  They told me how gorgeous my hair was, how pretty my smile was, when I looked particularly good in an outfit, when I rocked my senior year prom dress.  The number of times I was called pretty exceeded the number of times I was called anything else so much, that I remember that more than anything.  My brother says something to me quite often, especially when I am looking good that day. He will tell me "you are freaking beautiful, but if you would tone up a bit, you could be a down right fox". It's a compliment disguised as a critique, but it is one that is always welcomed.  Do I know that I would be a "fox" if I lost weight? Of course I do.  Am I going to diet until I no longer enjoy food, exercise to the point of dreading the gym and being obsessed with a number on a scale in order to do so? NO!

WHY do we always decided to focus on the negative?  What happened in our culture to make people focus on what we need to change about our bodies rather than what is already perfect about them?  Do you want to know what society wants to hear from me?  I wish my tummy fat would go away, I hate the fat flab on my arms, and forget about when I have double chin in pictures.  And then a picture like this follows.  A picture where I am being ridiculous with two of my best friends.  A picture where I am the biggest girl in the frame, and I look unbelievably happy.  Guess what I wasn't thinking about....my tummy fat, or my arm flab, or the fact that the face I'm making is probably going to give me double chin. I notice that I was in one of my favorite outfits (that I got complimented on by perfect strangers), that I was having a great time with my besties, and that I love when we all make the same face without planning it.  That's what I notice when I look that this picture, I see what is perfect about it, not what is imperfect.  I notice the adorable baby belly that my "big sister" has, and the ridiculous laugh that Bekah has going on.  I notice how happy I am in this picture.

I truly believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and you should make that "b" a capitol letter.  Your "beholder" should be the one person who sees beauty in His own creations.  God does not make mistakes. He made you with purpose and on purpose.  He created you to be the exact way that you are.  He also says that our body is a temple, and to treat it as such.  That does not mean starve it until it looks perfect.  That means take care of it. Do not purposefully do it harm, and if you have done it harm, fix it!  If you are overweight to the point of a doctor telling you that you could die any moment, please, heal your body, but do not let anyone make you feel bad about the way that you look!  Find a healthy relationship with food.  Healthy means not starving your body, or over-feeding your body.  Feeling good about your body comes with having a healthy relationship with food.  You should not depend on it and you cannot avoid it.  It is nourishment for your beautiful body.

Remember, if someone else is pointing out that something is wrong with your body, it is probably something they dislike about themselves as well.  I promise, no matter what size you are, no matter what anything you are, you are gorgeous!  Please look in the mirror and realize that whether you are a size 2 or a size 32, you are beautiful exactly the way you are, and at whatever size you feel the best, feel the most beautiful, then you don't need to change that for anyone.  You are allowed to be beautiful and not look like Heidi Klum...I promise.  And if anyone says otherwise, they suck, ignore them! Come talk to me, I will tell you exactly how beautiful you really are!

I believe #6

Happy Thing of the Day: "i love you" kisses.

I believe #6:

I believe that if someone sees something "wrong" with  your religion, they will not try to understand it. 

This post is coming from quite a heated disagreement I had with someone on facebook. She was a secretary at my high school, and I thought she was a pretty neat lady.  That was, until this conversation.

She likes to post controversial posts about negative aspects of religion.  Now, to her credit, she does so with all religions, not just Christianity.  However, since that was the religion she was raised in, I feel from the posts I see that she holds a lot of resentment towards Christianity as a whole.  At least that's what comes across in the things she posts.

I try to stay away from these posts, but there was one that caught my eye.  It was about purity balls, which consequently I had never heard about.  I read the article and looked that the so called "creepy" pictures they had collected from them.  I became enraged.  Though I never went through a purity ball, and let's add that I'm not naive in ANY way shape for form, I still think they are a beautiful thing that a daughter can go through with her dad and family.

So as not to steer too far off point, to sum up, after commenting that I didn't think they were creepy, and that people will find fault in anything they disagree with, comments that came back from that made me feel personally attacked for not only defending the balls, but defending the opinions of the families in the video that got shared in another comment.  It was like a dateline report on them, with interviews of the girls and their families, where they explained what the balls were.  It actually made them seem MORE acceptable to me, not less.  The lady who posted that video was hoping for the opposite reaction from me, which stemmed an even bigger argument.

Here's my point: no matter how much I tried to show these commenters that this was a relatively innocent and simple ceremony, that it was about love and protection and not about control or domination, they refused to even try to understand.  I have been accused by some of her other atheist friends, on more than one occasion, of being "closed minded" and "un-accepting"...and "crazy", but that's a different point.  I was being accused of the exact thing they were doing to me.

Just because I am refusing to concede, because I am refusing to change my thinking and renounce my faith, that makes me closed minded?  Because all I got were put downs and mockery from these people, I felt attacked and stood my ground.  I stood firmly on my solid foundation of faith, and was then passively put down by being told that (to para-phrase) hopefully one day I would not need a Bible verse to tell me everything to do in my life...

I doesn't matter how much you calmly explain, how much you defend, how many positive examples you give.  If someone wants to see the negative, they will refuse to see the positive.  Most of the time I was willing to listen and see their side of things, I was not given the same courtesy, because I am a Christian and I have just been brain washed into thinking these things.

To say such a thing to me is to question my intelligence, which is beyond highly offensive.  To think that someone told me, so I blindly follow is absurd.  I did not just let someone mold me into a minion of faith.  I CHOSE to be a follower of Christ.  It was a conscious decision that I made with my free thinking brain.  To call me less intelligent, less of a woman, less of an anything because of my religion, to me, is the same as telling a black person that they couldn't possibly ____________ because they are black.  Outrageous, right?  I CAN do___________ even though I am a Christian. Why must we base everything we think about each other on something we can judge and ridicule?  Why can't we just LOVE people for who they are and for where they are at in their walk of life?  Why must we decide people are wrong for whatever reason?  Can't we just accept people and be happy? Thus is the human condition...we suck.

To be a Christian is not easy.  Having faith is not easy.  Forgiving with no apology is not easy.  Loving unconditionally is not easy. People say that Christians live blindly in blissful ignorance.  Blissful? Ignorance? Please.  My foundation rests on the fact that Jesus told me to love.  To love unconditionally.  To love without judgement.  To forgive.  To help.  To Pray.  My God gave me the tools to find my way, to follow a path that is good.  A path that is His making.  It is not easy to live by faith.  It is a challenge, but it is completely worth the amazing outcome.

I believe #5

Happy Thing of the Day: Super long naps

I believe #5! Here we go:

I believe that God can do the impossible, but doesn't have to.

This one strikes a nerve with most non-believers, and I would say, even some believers.  God does have the power to do all things.  Nothing can stop Him.  Nothing.

I see so often on social media, non-believers posting terrible stories about children locked in closets, children dying at the hands of people claiming their treatment of the children was "God's will".  They post these for two reasons: either to show us believers how terrible our God is, or as proof that one doesn't exist.  After all, how can a merciful and loving God put His children through such pain?  How can a loving Creator make things like tornadoes, hurricanes, or any natural disaster?  How can He kill so many people?  How can He let murderers and rapists commit crimes?

The answer to all of these is both simple and complicated at the same time.  He can stop all of these things, and I believe many of them are circumstantial.  I believe that when natural disasters happen (which scientists are pretty good at explaining how they happened, let's not jump to God being evil, alright?), it brings people so much closer together.  People of all beliefs reach out to help their fellow man, across cities, states, countries, the world.  He sees the love that comes from such devastation, how can He deny us the beauty of the aftermath? As awful and depressing as these things are to watch, watching what comes after is so glorious.  Did God send these storms to smite us? I sincerely doubt it.

As far as acts of mankind, this one is pretty easy.  He gave us free will.. End of story.  God created man, God gave man the ability to think, to make his own choices, and to act on them as they please.  Enter in super terrible human beings.  Why would God have given us the ability to make our own choices if He was going to interfere every time we make a wrong one?  That's just more paper work to do!  Obviously God doesn't have paper work, but you get where I'm going.  If Hew as going to stop every wrong decision, then why give us the ability to do so?  I have a few moments in my life story that get pretty dark and twisty.  Some of them I did to myself, some of them were done to me by other people.  I can honestly say I have hit rock bottom.  Could God have stopped some of these terrible things? Of course.  Am I glad that He didn't? Oh ya!

Had I not gone through some of these storms, had I not had to rely on God, to lean on Him to get through these dark and twisty moments, I wouldn't know His amazing grace, His incredible love, and His mercy.  I have learned through these crazy dark moments that I can overcome just about anything as long as I believe that my Lord and Savior is going to bring me out on the other side.

When a child dies at the hands of man, that man will pay the ultimate price.  Our actions have consequences that will play out both here on Earth and for eternity.  I believe that when these tragedies happen to any of God's children- rape, murder, starvation, abuse, and the list goes on- that His heart breaks.  That He weeps for our pain and seeks to comfort us.  I have felt the hug of God in scary times, and I mean scary.  I believe that it was His love and comfort that ended those terrible things, that healed my broken heart and brought me to a place of peace.  It brought me to the place where I needed to seek Him again, and start this blog and find out how amazing He could make my heart feel.  My soul is bursting with His love and I know that it was those trials that I went through that brought me to this place of happiness.

God has the power to do all things, but, if He can find a way to make His plans known, to change the
direction of the path with giant red blinking arrows pointing toward Him when we steer away, He will.  Man makes mistakes, and God has to find a way to fix them, not to interfere with them.