Your ___________ does not define you.

Happy Thing of the Day: NOT the epic wind that is happening outside, that's for sure. (but portable mini heaters? DEFINITELY!)

I recently watched an interview done of Elizabeth Smart about the book she wrote.  She started going into detail about the things that happened to her during her kidnapping.  But then she started talking about moving on, that she was not just the girl that was kidnapped when she was 14.  She was more than that...like she wasn't going to let her kidnapping define who she was.

You hear people say this to survivors of various traumas all the time "you are not your disease" or "don't let your abuse define you", even a general one as simple as "don't let this define who you will become".  So many people identify themselves by one specific thing, but why?

Recently, I've seen this more with "causes" than anything.  People identify as being a "pro-life advocate" or a "gay-rights advocate", and so on and so forth.  There are many "causes" out there for people to support and advocate for, but why does that have to define you?  Why can't these things just be an important part of your life?  For example, I know a few people who support gay rights that will NOT, under any circumstance, befriend (or stay friends) with someone who does not agree with them 100%.  And you think people who don't support your cause are narrow minded?

Religion is another huge one.  People base their entire lives on what they believe.  Should it, or can it, mold you? Can it be the foundation for your character? Of course.  Should it be the basis on which you view every single little thing?  Probably not.  There are so many other factors out there that should play into decisions and opinions.  For example, being "pro-life" to the point that you start to limit health care provided for women, you've taken your religious beliefs a little too far.  Honestly, isn't the most recent issue a little bit common sense? If you start making birth control more easily available, abortion rates will go down...it's just that easy.  Will they go away, no, but will it help, probably.

Let me be clear, I support many causes.  Some that as a "typical Christian" I probably wouldn't fit into very well (good thing there is nothing "typical" about me).  But to make a point, I'm going to start listing.

I Support:
TWLOHA
The Human Rights Campaign
Planned Parenthood
The Rocky Mountain Elk Foundation
(RED)
The Trevor Project
UNICEF
Habitat for Humanity

Just to name a few.  Really the list could go on for a while longer, but you get the idea.  I am not so focused on one cause that I forget that are so many important things to support.  I am not so narrow minded as to make any one of these be the defining power in my life.

So many things define me.  A while ago I wrote a post about knowing who you are.  You can read it here.  I always make a top 5 on things that define me.  Yes I'm a Christian, but don't make any assumptions on what kind of person I am.  Being a Christian doesn't mean I hate gay people.  Being a Christian doesn't mean that I am pro-life.  Being a Christian doesn't mean I only have Christian friends.  I am a Christian, but I am also SO much more than that.  I will not let Christian population, nor the non-Christian population, define who I am, what I should support, or who I can befriend.  These things are what create hate.  These are the reasons people judge, and discriminate.  Do not be so focused that you fester stereotypes.  They are awful and demeaning.  Nothing needs to consume you to the point of cutting people out of your life for any reason other than that they physically or emotionally harm you.

Don't let your cause, your identifiers, your skin color, your religion don't let any one thing define who you are.  You are so much deeper than that.  Your soul is so vast it could not possibly be summed up in one specific thing.  Don't get caught up so far into anything that it changes who you befriend, who you love, or what you do.  Let it mold your character, of course, but don't let it put you in a box.  Don't be confined to the outline of anything but your own personal connect the dots.  No one should define you but you.

Mountains and Valleys

Happy Thing of the Day: Fantastic co-workers and free lunch!


For most Christians, the term mountains and valleys is one we have heard many times in a church sermon.  Many preachers use these as metaphors for times in our lives.  Mountains are used as an example of a time where we are "high" in life.  We are the king of the hill, nothing can touch us, life is just perfect.  Then there are valleys, which of course are the "low" points.  Who doesn't like a visual to go along with their sermon, huh?

I honestly love these sermons, not because I always need to hear them, though I will admit that sometimes I am in need of these reminders, but because I feel like they are such an important thing for people to understand about God.  So many people like to blame God for the bad things but forget to praise Him for the good things.  Some people think that they did something to "deserve" being put in a valley, that they did something wrong.  The biggest one though, is that people forget, God is always trying to find you a way out of the valley.

I have had many non-believer friends ask me "if God is almighty, why is it taking him so long to help you out of this mess?".  That answer is surprisingly simple, I'm not ready to be let out of this mess yet.  Non-believers don't understand that for a very devout Christian, we are always willing to accept that God has a plan.  Yes, the illusive "plan" that we Christians are so obsessed with.  Some of my friends tell me that it would bother them beyond belief to have someone or something else in control of their lives and their plans.  It's actually rather freeing to tell you the truth.  To know that my Creator is looking out for me, making sure that I get to my destination, it's incredible.

I will be the first one to admit, God doesn't "put" me in a valley, I'm pretty good at putting myself there without His help.  When I look back on a "valley" moment, or even when I am currently in one.  I can tell you exactly how I put myself there, I'm just not always certain of how I'm going to get myself out.  Valleys are rough, and unforgiving.  They create doubt and hardship, but you cannot place the blame on anyone but yourself.  I do believe sometimes God lets you sit there a while, until His perfect plan and the perfect moment arises to lift  you from that valley to the highest mountain. The nicest moments are when you know you're going to have to sit in a valley for a little while, but you can see the light coming over that mountain top.  When you know if you stick to the plan, don't make any "in the moment" decisions, you work hard and follow the steps, that you will get to the mountain.

Wade and I are in a tiny valley season right now.  We just discovered that it may be a while before we will be able to buy a house.  We looked into a couple of different options, but really, nothing was going to work out at the moment.  We were a little discouraged, and then Wade looked at me and said, "maybe God doesn't want us in a house right now.  Maybe in a year or two there will be this perfect house just in our price range, and He wants us to wait until He can get us there".  Woah.  Major bonus points for the future husband right there.  But it's true.  After doing some in-depth searching, there really aren't any houses that fit our needs in our price range right now.  Maybe we do need to sit in this valley a little while, and dream of that house on the hill above us, until God says, "okay, I found it".

Valleys are not the end of the world, they are the beginning of a new season coming soon.  They are the promise of the mountain top waiting for you.  They are beyond frustrating, but so worth the struggle when you get to the top of that climb.  Wade was a mountain top for me.  After years of struggling with relationships, trying to "find the perfect one", trying to make a relationship work that just wasn't going to (after 7 years I might add), I knew I needed to change my criteria.  I knew that I needed to change the way I felt about a relationship.  I knew He needed to love God, I knew he needed to see me as precious, and I knew he needed to want the same things I did, even if they weren't in exactly the same way.  And then I found Wade.  He was so different from any man I had ever dated, and treated me like I had never been treated before, and loved me like I always dreamed I could be loved.  My long journey in the valley, seemed to rather quickly lead me to my future husband.  The one who flips through the tv guide and stops on Joel Osteen to watch.  The one who reminds me I am loved.

Taking the joy over the other stuff

Happy Thing of the Day: boots with fur!

For as long as I can remember, my grandma's favorite word has been "joy".  It is plastered all over her house, especially at Christmas time.  She also loves the "Life Is Good" company.  She has a million of the shirts, some mugs, a few bags, you name it.  She is generally a pretty positive person, and it got me thinking, that maybe she is on to something...

As I have posted before, in the last few years I have dealt with quite a bit of loss.  I have specifically had to deal with the loss of a very deep friendship as of late.  This was a person who I could call at any moment, with any problem, or even exciting news, and we could talk for hours about whatever was going on.  We shared the deepest places of our hearts, it was a bond I never thought could break.

As it turns out, when you grow up, you change.  It took me a while to realize that maybe the "change" he went through wasn't as "awful" as I was making it out to be.  His priorities had changed in a way that I thought was terrible, when in reality, maybe that's just the way his life functions well at this point.  My priorities have also changed.  I stopped really caring about school, especially once Wade and I got more serious, and to me, my relationship took way more importance to school, and ultimately lead to me leaving college pre-graduation.  Should it have, probably not, but that's where my energy was put.

My priorities have become even more focused on family, especially the new one I will be starting with Wade.  We are going to be each other's family.  He is going to be my husband in just 6 months, and I cannot wait to really be his family.  He is where my priorities lie, I don't make a single decision without at least considering if not actually discussing with him how that will effect not just me, but him as well.  My friend, in my view, went the opposite direction.  He became more about what was good for him, taking less into account how that would effect anyone else.  I saw this as a totally terrible trait.

Then it dawned on me.  Maybe it isn't so bad to be selfish every now and then.  Maybe where he is at in his life, being selfish is what works, and maybe selfish isn't the right word.  Definition wise it is, but selfish often times has a bad connotation.  He is making sure he is taken care of, that his needs are met, and that his heart is filled.  He doesn't have a husband to worry about, it's just him, so is making sure his needs are met and his dreams are followed without considering who it impacts a bad thing? Probably not.  Was I being a little selfish in a bad way wanting him to be more like the friend I had known for so long? Definitely.  I wasn't willing to look at how much happier he was, or how much more he was able to accomplish, I only saw what it was doing to me, and maybe what I thought it could be doing to other people.

I was focusing on how negative the situation was, rather than seeing the joy he was bringing to his own life.  By not letting others influence what he was doing, the decisions he was making, or the path he was on, he was able to really start following his dreams and realizing some goals.  My joy has been mostly surrounded by the life I'm getting to start with another person, and his was coming from finding his place in the world on his own for now.

Focusing on how negative this whole interaction and situation between us was not healthy for my life.  I didn't realize how deeply this had impacted my heart.  My mood changed, I started getting frustrated about wedding details, I started snapping at Wade more, and then I realized, I needed to let go.  It wasn't until recently that I figured out that focusing on this negative thing that had happened was making me overall as a person not a very pleasant person to be around.

So I had to re-evaluate.  I had to find out why this was bothering me so much, see why it was having this impact on me, and then let go.  I'm still in the process of doing that, mostly at the stage where I'm trying to change my mood in the way it impacts other people.  I had to give this over to God.  I had to accept my part in this issue, and then be free of the burden it had on my heart.  Sometimes I forget how deeply I can feel about things.  How greatly things like this can impact my heart.  I let them soak in and change me without really thinking about them first.

Letting go has never been easy for me.  I don't necessarily hold grudges, I actually forgive relatively easy.  But I focus on the issue LONG after it is over.  How could it be different, how could the outcome have changed, why did it really happen, what did they do wrong, what did I do wrong, ON AND ON AND ON.  So my new challenge, especially since I have successfully been able to "find the hope", as was my original goal, is to stop dwelling on thing, regardless of the severity of the situation.  I think it will lead to even more hope, and a lot more joy.

Yet another tribute

Sometimes holidays bring out some amazing memories, and make you miss some incredible people.  My favorite part of the year was always Christmas, and getting to go home to my church family.  I didn't get to do that this year, and my family no longer attends the church I grew up in.  I am getting married which means sharing holidays (which I am not going to get used to).  Nevertheless, some amazing people there at First Pres of CO Springs impacted my life beyond belief.

So here you go, my tribute to my amazing friend, Cliff.

This last summer marked 1 year since my dear friend Cliff was called home to be with Jesus. I can only imagine what that moment was like. Knowing Cliff, it probably started with a pretty amazing hug, and then diving right in to some deep philosophical and theological conversation. Considering that is how every one of our little coffee or Chipotle dates started, I'm almost positive that's how it would be when he met Jesus.

I guess a part of me has finally accepted that he's gone.  I don't know if it's him or not, but in my deepest struggles, the ones I would usually go to him with, I can feel a very comforting hand on my shoulder.  With my wedding coming nearer and nearer, I had to come to the harsh reality that my friend would not be the one up there marrying me and my future husband.  We had to find someone else for that, and that made me both extremely angry, and exhaustively sad.  I learned so much from Cliff, which I have written about in other posts, but for now, I'll just list them.

1: Age does not define friendship.

Cliff was an amazing mentor, but I would also consider him one of my dearest friends.  It may have seemed strange to some people that the first thing I did after or before service was find this incredible man and get my morning started off with one of the best hugs you can ever hope to receive. Cliff was old enough to be my grandfather, and actually was older than one of them. But still, our friendship felt no different than any other I have had.  Our age difference did not matter, and though it meant that he was more of a mentor figure, he will always be one of the most amazing friends I have ever had.  I was always welcomed with these incredible hugs, and then he would say "hello, friend" or "how are you, friend".  Perfection.

2: People know you better than you think.

I vividly remember talking to Cliff about finding a youth group and church here in Laramie. When I was talking to him about the ones I had found, instantly he looked at my rather strangely and said "I can't believe that you would like those".  I was shocked, I found my place of worship and you think it's weird that I like them?!  He explained his reasons, knowing the denomination and the organization that they came from.  They were rather, let's just say, traditional. I am not. There are many beliefs I swing more to the progressive side on. Cliff knew this, and sure enough, about a year later, I was not attending either of these places any more. When we talked about it later, he looked at me in a way that almost said "I told you so", but he would never say it out loud.  I have always had a hard time admitting that people know me as well as I know myself. It was a lesson I am glad I learned pre-Wade, because he knows me probably better than I know myself, and it makes life much easier just admitting it.

3: Sometimes disappointment strikes

I'm glad I learned this lesson from Cliff, because had I not, his death would have been much harder than it already was.  Cliff's sermon on lamenting was the definition of being disappointed. He wanted so badly to kick cancer's butt, and wanted God to set him free of this awful disease so he could continue to do God's work.  Sadly, He did not. This was very important for me to learn, because his death lead to a pretty big disappointment for my future. Ever since I met Cliff, I thought he would be the one to stand up in the front of the church and officiate the wedding of me and the man of my dreams. When he started the path to leaving us, I realized that my dream of having him up there with me was not going to happen.  After his funeral, my mom actually said "you aren't going to get married at First Pres. anymore, are you?" My answer was simply, NOPE! How could I walk down that aisle without that man standing up there? Now that I'm engaged, it was the first thing I chose, where to get married, and I found a place that is perfect.  Fortunately, Cliff got to meet Wade before he left, which gave me a lot more closure than if he hadn't.  But still, disappointment struck, and because of this great lesson Cliff taught me, I can still have the wedding of my dreams, only with a little sadness attached.  We will be missing many people that day that we wish could be there, but they will be watching and guiding us on our adventure anyway.

Cliff was an enormous blessing in my life, and I will forever remember his love and friendship and his incredible faith.

365-what did you do?

Happy Thing of the Day: New Year's EVE!!


Tonight, the whole world will countdown to midnight in their respective cities, states, and countries.  The ball will drop and a brand new year will begin.  Naturally, today people will not only be looking forward to the new year, but also at the year that has passed.  What did you do with your last 365 days of life?

Here's a look at the resolutions I made last year:

Lose weight

Get straight A's

Get organized

Save money

Keep the house clean

Join a Bible study

Here's what my year actually looked like:

Started an extended break from college

(my freshman year at UW)

Started this blog

Found an amazing job (which came with a lot less financial stress)

Wade found a new job (again, less financial stress)

(Wade's Christmas Work Party)

Got engaged and started planning my wedding!

Wade and I got a new truck

Found out I'm going to be an AUNT!

Watched two of our best friends say "I DO"

Celebrated my Grandparents' 50th anniversary

Lost my childhood puppy.

I may not have fulfilled all of my "resolutions" from last year, but my year was amazing regardless.  God works in incredible ways.  He changed my whole outlook on my world, made me a stronger Christian, and my life has changed so much for the better because of that.

My year was filled with Love! My year was filled with Joy! My year ended with me finding the hope, which was what this journey was all about! But it's not over yet.  Here's to 2014, and all the fun it will bring!

Christmas Traditions #2 & 3

Happy Thing of the Day: Christmas Decorating Fun!

For my 2nd/3rd tradition, I chose Advent, so we're getting two out of the way today.  This is less a "tradition" as it is just a part of the Christian celebration of Christmas.  Advent marks, in most cases, the beginning of the church calendar in Western society, as well as the beginning of Christmas.  It is the 4 Sundays leading up to Christmas, in which we do many different things!  I will grant to you non-believers that Advent started as a secular event, it is not anymore, it was adapted my German Lutherans, and it is how we celebrate the coming of our Lord.  

The Advent Calendar


Everyone has seen them around.  Some are the little cardboard ones where you open a little door and you either see a picture, get a piece of candy, something like that.  Growing up we had a little tree that spun around.  It stood on this "wood" platform, similar to the one on the left, with 25 drawers on it, and each drawer had a little ornament to put on the tree, the 25th one was a little baby Jesus in a manger.  It is in all reality a countdown to Christmas.  It is also a time of reflection.  Some advent calendars have scripture on them, you get a new verse to reflect on each day.  It is a time to remember the gift that God gave us, and the joy He would bring.

The Advent Wreath.

This may be my favorite part of church during Christmas.  The wreath has 5 candles, 4 of which represent the 4 Sundays leading up to Christmas, and one in the middle, which is the Christ candle.  I remember this part vividly from church- we use a wreath to remember that God's love, like the wreath, has no beginning and no end, it is eternal and lasting.  It also symbolizes everlasting life in Christ.  That through the coming of the Lord, and later His death and resurrection at Easter, that we may have eternal life through Christ. 

1. The Hope Candle: Isaiah 2:2-4, Jeremiah 33:14-16

This is kind of the promise candle.  The coming of the Lord was foretold and has happened, we were given hope by our Creator that He would send us a Messiah, His one and only son, the greatest gift of all, so that we may be saved in Him.  Generally at my church we sing O Come Emmanuel on the first Sunday of Advent, the coming of the Lord is upon us, rejoice!

2. The Peace Candle: Isaiah 11:1-10, Luke 1:76-79, 1Thessalonians 5:19-23

The candle of peace is to remind us of the peace that comes from Jesus Christ.  When we let Jesus enter our lives and let Him take control, we experience a profound amount of peace with that Faith.  A good song to go with this is It Came Upon a Midnight Clear.  

3. The Joy Candle: Isaiah 35:1-10, Zephaniah 3:14-20, Philippians 4:4-5,  Luke 1:26-3 

The Joy candle is to remind us to rejoice! Our Savoir has been born!  The Angles rejoiced, the shepherds came from far and wide to see the new born King.  This is a joyful time in our lives, we need to remember that. Hark, the Herald Angels Sing is

4. The Love Candle: Isaiah 7:10-14,  Luke 2:1-7, Luke 1:39, 45-56 and 1 John 4:7-12

The Love candle is a pretty obvious one.  It is to remind us of the Love of our Lord, Jesus, who came on Christmas day to save us all.  Our Messiah has finally come, and He is the greatest gift of love we could ever receive.  A sinless man is going to die for the sins of everyone.  God gave His one and only son, for us. How incredible is that?!  

5. The Christ Candle: Micah 5:2 and Isaiah 9:2-7,  Luke 2:1-20

We light the Christ candle to represent that Jesus has come, our Savior has been born, our Messiah is here! Jesus said "I am the light of the world". We light this candle to represent Jesus being the light of the world, the bright star that shown in the sky to guide the shepherds and kings to see Jesus, He who was foretold has come! Let's sing some Silent Night now! Joy To The World, The Lord Is Come!

(you can find these verses on many resources related to advent, we usually read most of these in my church as well!)

Christmas Traditions #1

Happy Thing of the Day: Good hair days!

Here we go, off on the Christmas adventure.  I feel like "Christmas" has become sort of a secular holiday.  I know many non-believers who celebrate "Christmas".  They put up a tree with a star on top, decorate their house with lights, open presents, have a feast, maybe even sing some Christmas carols.  I had a boss once who was not a Christian, but sang "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" without missing a beat.  Do you even know what that song is about? To me, that would've been like me singing "Hanukkah Blessings", because to me, they aren't just catchy tunes, it's not just a tree with a star on top, they aren't just lights, I'm celebrating the birth of my Savior!  I agree with Bill O'Reilly, keep Christ in Christmas.  I'm not saying I don't acknowledge that there are other holidays, but don't say you are "going home for Christmas" if you aren't celebrating Christ.  Just a disclaimer, I don't have any cited or "reliable" sources for these posts, this is what I have been told at church and by smarter people than me on why we do these things for Christmas.

Since there will be many people decorating their houses with twinkling lights this week preparing for the holidays, here is what I know about why we put these sparkly strands on our houses.  At my house we don't put up big displays of snowmen or reindeer, there are no Santa's in our front yard, we do have a Rudolph we put in the window, but everything else is just colored lights, and then a big ole' Merry Christmas lit up on the roof.  The lights bring us joy, who doesn't love watching intricate light displays?!  But these lights are put up for a much more special reason.  They are to light our way home. The picture is a pretty famous house in CO Springs that is about 7 houses down from us.  Our street gets packed every year to the point where we can't get out of our driveway some nights.  It is an amazing light show, and it fills my heart with happiness every year.  It is magical.

I had a youth group leader say that these lights are to represent the light of Jesus. The star shown so bright that night to light the way to the new born King.  The shepherds and the 3 kings traveled and followed that star to meet Jesus.  He is often called "the light of the world", that star was so bright that night that it lit up the sky.  So at Christmas, we light up the sky with our lights, because we are honoring the light of our world, our Savior, the birth of our Lord.

I'm not saying if you're not Christian you can't put up lights, of course you can.  Twinkling lights are not a religious thing. But that's why I put up my lights, that why we light up our house, we want to celebrate the coming of our King.  We want to light the way home.  In the darkest blizzard, you can find your way home for Christmas to be with the ones you love, just the way the star lit the way for all to see that Jesus was born.

There is a star that goes up in Castle Rock, CO every year for Christmas.  I LOVE when I'm on my way home for Christmas and I see this star. At this point I'm nearing the end of my journey home, and it fills me with so much joy.  The first time I see the star each year I am reminded that Christmas is so much more than some amazing family time.  My Savior was born this day! My God sent His son, Jesus, to save us all.

"And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."